When even a walk feels like too much effort

I didn't understand why I couldn’t get myself to do something as ordinary as taking a walk.

In the past when a friend called, I’d go for the walk. But two friends moved away and one has sore legs, so my walking buddies dried up.

The very thought of walking alone glued me to my comfy princess chair. The way I was thinking about it exhausted me. Too boring, too much effort, so I avoided doing it.

I became the hermit who just wanted to drink tea and read.

Sitting in my sweet princess chair is safe and provides calm protection, I’d thought. But I was wrong. I know now that my inaction was more like slumbering for a long winter’s hibernation because my frozen nervous system was stuck in perpetual dysregulation.

My story, my meaning about walking has shifted. No longer is it another pressure, something boring I should do, a thing to cross off my to do list.

A breakthrough shifted my understanding. Here I am on day 11 of my 90-day consciousness awakening program. I have walked daily for 11 days.

Each step is taken with presence… smelling the mossy earth, the ripples moving along the water from fish jumping, a mourning call of a lone loon, the pleasant scent of bedstraw waving in unison to the slight breeze, sensing the newness of calm enjoyment on solid ground.

Resistance, now welcomed and embraced, has become a wise teacher. Even with something as ordinary and mundane as going for a short daily walk by myself.

Simply, each step is a guide to a calm return home, to me.